Some of you may know I am the proud owner of two turtles: a red-eared slider named Rudy and a Mississippi map named Rambo. Most 20-somethings yearn for dogs, cats, or maybe even fish when they go on a pet crusade. I wanted turtles. I think my issues started as a child when I owned some type of a water turtle. At that age, pets weren’t cool unless you could physically play with them so I always fought with my mom to bring Myrtle into the backyard. She usually conceded and let me bring him outside if I promised to keep an eye on him. I clearly remember rolling my eyes and thinking, “Mom, turtles don’t just run away.” Well, I was wrong. Sometime between the swings and the monkey bars, Myrtle made a run for it. By the time I realized he was gone and my mom called for a household search party, Myrtle was nowhere to be found. I remember crying for days and feeling so ashamed that I had somehow allowed a TURTLE, of all animals, to run away.

This brings me to my curious obsession with turtles twenty+ years later. My first attempt at turtle ownership as an adult was a disaster. I insisted on owning a turtle from the time it was a baby, but baby turtles are illegal to sell. So I naturally went online - the protocol for procuring anything of the illegal nature. I ‘ordered’ two turtles that were shipped to me (live) in plastic tubs stuffed with styrofoam chips. They were AOA (alive on arrival) but I couldn’t coax them into eating and one by one they died.

Step 2: Craigslist. You can find almost anything in this glorious marketplace and sure enough I tracked down a seller in San Jose. He claimed to have tubs FULL of baby turtle orphans from the Hurricane Katrina aftermath, so I naturally dropped everything and raced down to San Jose in search of my turtles.

Mission accomplished. Rudy and Rambo have grown up a little and unfortunately almost grown out of their current living quarters. They’ve hopped from state to state with me and have adjusted to a variety of living arrangements throughout the last year as we developed the business.

Last weekend I dutifely completed my bi-monthly tank cleaning and it dawned on me that my experiences with turtles haven’t changed much in the last 20 years. The little fuc**rs are still trying to run away from me!